At first I thought, oh no another “sober October” finger wagging. This was so far from that. Feel and appreciate it deeply. Winery visits, wine tastings, wine with friends, etc. is a big and enjoyable part of retirement for my wife and me. But, whenever I encounter someone who doesn’t drink I tell them that’s probably a good choice. Most of the time I have to add the old Monte Python, “More for me then!”
Ah I love this John. for a variety of reasons, I rarely drink. This would be a lovely response to receive, instead of the usual responses of "uptight, loosen up, just one is ok isn't it" etc etc..
I had COVID last November, and I haven’t been able to taste wine properly since. I used to have a wine blog and everything, and I’ve put that all aside. Also I can see from my Oura ring that one glass of wine in the evenings jacks my resting heart rate up, so it’s not really relaxing me all that much anyway!
I’ve moved on to THC gummies, but that’s a post for another day. 😆
I stopped drinking about two years ago at age 74. I used to feel sorry for old people that no longer drank. Poor things. Bless their little hearts.
Now, I am one and feel ever so much better.
I wish I cd enjoy wine tastings but I don’t, I can’t, and at my age, I’m done faking it.
I love cocktails and I miss that ceremony. However, one goes down quickly and then I want another. And, alcohol very quickly makes me depressed. At 76, every healthy day is precious and exciting.
Do I miss the camaraderie of drinking? You betcha. The pain is somewhat ameliorated with the abundance of great mocktails and if the menu isn’t already enlightened, I ask for ginger ale w lime, a mule without a kick.
Yes, it’s the sharing that we miss.
I microdose daily: cannabis (2 gummies a day) and psilocybin (50-100 mg a day) contribute to my current contentment. Those habits have given me personal insight, have honed my skills of interoception, have cleared brain fog, and are crucial for my current mental health which is the best of my life.
Fortunately, I have a best buddy who is a sober micro-dose as well, and I look forward to the day when our culture embraces these practices which are so much more healthy than alcohol.
Choosing not to drink, whatever the reason, is scary AF. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. I worried that everything my friends liked about me would be gone, and I’d be alone.
Looking back from 11 years of sobriety, I now see how silly that concern was. I also still see how very real it was for me at the time.
Drinking was how I got normal. It didn’t start that way, but that’s where it went for this pro. And damn it I was good at it.
Wine was where I started, because it was sophisticated. It was the intellectual’s ale (until I realized that was actually Scotch).
The weekend after I quit, I was on my way to the beach with friends. We stopped for snacks, and I loaded up on near-beer. I wanted to make sure I “had enough.”
My wife asked me, “Enough for what?”
The silence from me was telling. I dumped most of them back in the cooler and took two bottles to the register. They were terrible and I never bothered again.
In the same way that some folks will assume to know my politics or religion, I often raise an eyebrow at this assumption that “everyone drinks.”
Gosh yes, it's a tough one. I too faced that dilemma somewhere around my early 40s, where the toll on my body was just too great, the hangovers (even from a small amount) too brutal, and the choice a very challenging one. I gradually reduced drinking until it eventually stopped altogether, but I won't say it was easy. I definitely felt the alienation from the social crowd, and felt a weird pressure to have to explain/justify why I wasn't drinking (crazy that this is a thing). Over time I've gravitated more towards people and social situations that don't involve alcohol - walks, brunches, yoga friends. And my friends (and partner) who do drink have got used to the fact that I just, don't. It's a minefield though, and I wish you luck with steering the right path for you.
I love drinking but confine it weekends, parties, holidays, etc.(a beleaguered literature professor once told me, "I don't drink nearly as much as I'd like too", lol). But I also went through 1 1/2 years of medical treatment recently where I didn't drink at all. No biggie, I just brought non-alcoholic beer to get-togethers. I don't know that I ever felt 'obligated' to drink
But there is one thing in particular I appreciate about alcohol--I do landscaping for my career and it can have some really brutal days moving boulders, jackhammering out trenches, pouring concrete, and such. Alcohol is the perfect salve at the end of the day for sore bodies, at least for me. It's probably why construction guys drink so much!
I get the part about your physical intolerance to alcohol. My grandson is half-Apache, Welsh, and Norwegian. Yes, he is an AA lifer.
I have noticed in myself that aging has diminished my tolerance for alcohol. It has been accompanied by a growing intolerance for ritual shallow socializing. Drinking is a social lubricant and as one’s taste in socializing matures, we tend to drink and socialize responsibly.
“Maybe despite the crippling hangovers, mountains of vomit and wasted days, I miss the version of myself that was willing to put up with that. The me that danced on tables with strangers, seduced anyone I fancied, and ended up on wild drunken adventures across London and Ibiza.”
The psychologist in me is guessing it is not the loss of booze you’re grieving, but a middle-aged loss of the vigor of youth you’re nostalgic for. At your age, I am guessing many of your work colleagues are younger than you and are in a different life stage. No amount of alcohol can remedy that. Perhaps it is not the wine you’re reluctant to let go of but the careless exuberance of youth.
Oh this one hit me deep Annie. The bottomless brunch is a new phrase that I have learnt since starting my current employment. I would love to join, but, for a variety of reasons, including how ill I get when I drink more than a glass or two of 9% rose, I don't. I feel like a pariah. I must be a boring, up-tight snooze fest of a human. I have been told so when refusing another drink at parties, which I now also hate, as a result of free flowing alcohol. I find it deeply embarrassing to admit that I don't drink much anymore - just how messed up is that? I don't tell why, that the thought of getting drunk or being around others who are drunk fills me with terror from growing up with an alcoholic parent. I can feel the fear creeping on me even writing this.... The stories that colleagues tell of alcoholic exploits fill me with a sort of horrified envy at how normal it is for so many and how blithely they carry on with their lives afterwards...
If you enjoy the socialization, then go out and be with people. Have ONE white wine spritzer. It is merely white wine and soda water. Tasty and dilutes the alcohol.
So great to hear these words.., I’m 63 and haven’t ever figured out how to be a drinker.. though I gave it my damndest in my teens and early twenties. After years of hugging toilets after just a glass or two of wine at dinner or other social get togethers, I finally came to the conclusion that I was just not meant to drink! (It helps that I’m very much a pansy when it comes to puking and will do anything to avoid the ultimate heave ho!!)
In the beginning there was tremendous peer pressure from friends and surprisingly mostly from my family who were incredulous that a member of their family couldn’t/wouldn’t join in and chug like a champ… friends would try to convince me to try their special martini recipe, saying “just try one,” or “but it’s a chocolate flavored one,” (like the chocolate flavoring would be more akin to drinking a food than drinking alcohol..) but I resisted and ignored the comments, because me and my belly are much happier (healthier,) for it and frankly I don’t care if people think there’s something weird about not drinking.
I think you’ve made a really good point about how alcohol is such a huge part of the culture, and how like cigarettes used to be glamorized, drinking is such a focus for social and work relationships, a way to let go and something that “everyone does.”
I remember during Covid and the confusing time that it was, our local trendy supermarket took down the help yourself salad and soup bar and instead created a massive display promoting every kind of booze you can think of… WTF!?!
At first I thought, oh no another “sober October” finger wagging. This was so far from that. Feel and appreciate it deeply. Winery visits, wine tastings, wine with friends, etc. is a big and enjoyable part of retirement for my wife and me. But, whenever I encounter someone who doesn’t drink I tell them that’s probably a good choice. Most of the time I have to add the old Monte Python, “More for me then!”
Ah I love this John. for a variety of reasons, I rarely drink. This would be a lovely response to receive, instead of the usual responses of "uptight, loosen up, just one is ok isn't it" etc etc..
I sometimes fantasize about alcohol becoming magically unavailable so no one can drink it and we all just get on with life without it!
I had COVID last November, and I haven’t been able to taste wine properly since. I used to have a wine blog and everything, and I’ve put that all aside. Also I can see from my Oura ring that one glass of wine in the evenings jacks my resting heart rate up, so it’s not really relaxing me all that much anyway!
I’ve moved on to THC gummies, but that’s a post for another day. 😆
Please see my comments above and I’m getting ready to write about medical cannabis, to which I owe tons.
I stopped drinking about two years ago at age 74. I used to feel sorry for old people that no longer drank. Poor things. Bless their little hearts.
Now, I am one and feel ever so much better.
I wish I cd enjoy wine tastings but I don’t, I can’t, and at my age, I’m done faking it.
I love cocktails and I miss that ceremony. However, one goes down quickly and then I want another. And, alcohol very quickly makes me depressed. At 76, every healthy day is precious and exciting.
Do I miss the camaraderie of drinking? You betcha. The pain is somewhat ameliorated with the abundance of great mocktails and if the menu isn’t already enlightened, I ask for ginger ale w lime, a mule without a kick.
Yes, it’s the sharing that we miss.
I microdose daily: cannabis (2 gummies a day) and psilocybin (50-100 mg a day) contribute to my current contentment. Those habits have given me personal insight, have honed my skills of interoception, have cleared brain fog, and are crucial for my current mental health which is the best of my life.
Fortunately, I have a best buddy who is a sober micro-dose as well, and I look forward to the day when our culture embraces these practices which are so much more healthy than alcohol.
Choosing not to drink, whatever the reason, is scary AF. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. I worried that everything my friends liked about me would be gone, and I’d be alone.
Looking back from 11 years of sobriety, I now see how silly that concern was. I also still see how very real it was for me at the time.
Drinking was how I got normal. It didn’t start that way, but that’s where it went for this pro. And damn it I was good at it.
Wine was where I started, because it was sophisticated. It was the intellectual’s ale (until I realized that was actually Scotch).
The weekend after I quit, I was on my way to the beach with friends. We stopped for snacks, and I loaded up on near-beer. I wanted to make sure I “had enough.”
My wife asked me, “Enough for what?”
The silence from me was telling. I dumped most of them back in the cooler and took two bottles to the register. They were terrible and I never bothered again.
In the same way that some folks will assume to know my politics or religion, I often raise an eyebrow at this assumption that “everyone drinks.”
The misstep isn’t on my end as I see it.
Gosh yes, it's a tough one. I too faced that dilemma somewhere around my early 40s, where the toll on my body was just too great, the hangovers (even from a small amount) too brutal, and the choice a very challenging one. I gradually reduced drinking until it eventually stopped altogether, but I won't say it was easy. I definitely felt the alienation from the social crowd, and felt a weird pressure to have to explain/justify why I wasn't drinking (crazy that this is a thing). Over time I've gravitated more towards people and social situations that don't involve alcohol - walks, brunches, yoga friends. And my friends (and partner) who do drink have got used to the fact that I just, don't. It's a minefield though, and I wish you luck with steering the right path for you.
I love drinking but confine it weekends, parties, holidays, etc.(a beleaguered literature professor once told me, "I don't drink nearly as much as I'd like too", lol). But I also went through 1 1/2 years of medical treatment recently where I didn't drink at all. No biggie, I just brought non-alcoholic beer to get-togethers. I don't know that I ever felt 'obligated' to drink
But there is one thing in particular I appreciate about alcohol--I do landscaping for my career and it can have some really brutal days moving boulders, jackhammering out trenches, pouring concrete, and such. Alcohol is the perfect salve at the end of the day for sore bodies, at least for me. It's probably why construction guys drink so much!
I get the part about your physical intolerance to alcohol. My grandson is half-Apache, Welsh, and Norwegian. Yes, he is an AA lifer.
I have noticed in myself that aging has diminished my tolerance for alcohol. It has been accompanied by a growing intolerance for ritual shallow socializing. Drinking is a social lubricant and as one’s taste in socializing matures, we tend to drink and socialize responsibly.
“Maybe despite the crippling hangovers, mountains of vomit and wasted days, I miss the version of myself that was willing to put up with that. The me that danced on tables with strangers, seduced anyone I fancied, and ended up on wild drunken adventures across London and Ibiza.”
The psychologist in me is guessing it is not the loss of booze you’re grieving, but a middle-aged loss of the vigor of youth you’re nostalgic for. At your age, I am guessing many of your work colleagues are younger than you and are in a different life stage. No amount of alcohol can remedy that. Perhaps it is not the wine you’re reluctant to let go of but the careless exuberance of youth.
Oh this one hit me deep Annie. The bottomless brunch is a new phrase that I have learnt since starting my current employment. I would love to join, but, for a variety of reasons, including how ill I get when I drink more than a glass or two of 9% rose, I don't. I feel like a pariah. I must be a boring, up-tight snooze fest of a human. I have been told so when refusing another drink at parties, which I now also hate, as a result of free flowing alcohol. I find it deeply embarrassing to admit that I don't drink much anymore - just how messed up is that? I don't tell why, that the thought of getting drunk or being around others who are drunk fills me with terror from growing up with an alcoholic parent. I can feel the fear creeping on me even writing this.... The stories that colleagues tell of alcoholic exploits fill me with a sort of horrified envy at how normal it is for so many and how blithely they carry on with their lives afterwards...
If you enjoy the socialization, then go out and be with people. Have ONE white wine spritzer. It is merely white wine and soda water. Tasty and dilutes the alcohol.
So great to hear these words.., I’m 63 and haven’t ever figured out how to be a drinker.. though I gave it my damndest in my teens and early twenties. After years of hugging toilets after just a glass or two of wine at dinner or other social get togethers, I finally came to the conclusion that I was just not meant to drink! (It helps that I’m very much a pansy when it comes to puking and will do anything to avoid the ultimate heave ho!!)
In the beginning there was tremendous peer pressure from friends and surprisingly mostly from my family who were incredulous that a member of their family couldn’t/wouldn’t join in and chug like a champ… friends would try to convince me to try their special martini recipe, saying “just try one,” or “but it’s a chocolate flavored one,” (like the chocolate flavoring would be more akin to drinking a food than drinking alcohol..) but I resisted and ignored the comments, because me and my belly are much happier (healthier,) for it and frankly I don’t care if people think there’s something weird about not drinking.
I think you’ve made a really good point about how alcohol is such a huge part of the culture, and how like cigarettes used to be glamorized, drinking is such a focus for social and work relationships, a way to let go and something that “everyone does.”
I remember during Covid and the confusing time that it was, our local trendy supermarket took down the help yourself salad and soup bar and instead created a massive display promoting every kind of booze you can think of… WTF!?!