Yes, so much this! I'm 63 and have been talking about this with friends since my late 20s. Though it's progressed from commune to co-housing to friends compound, maybe with a few houses next to each other or at least on the same block. Here's a Substack that speaks to this need: https://supernuclear.substack.com/
It's not silly at all and speaks to our serious lack of community (especially here in the U.S., where I live!) and our deep need for it as social creatures.
Ahhh so glad it’s not just me! It’s funny, the co-housing thing for some reason triggers me thinking about awful house mates at university and the endless arguments over bills. Whereas commune doesn’t scare me at all! Isn’t that strange?
We actually visited the "friends compound" of one of the Supernuclear authors, near us in North Oakland (California), and oddly he said they only have meetings every couple months and everything runs pretty smoothly. It's basically co-housing, with people living in different buildings — some sharing buildings, some not — and a communal building with a big kitchen. I was surprised they don't seem to experience much conflict. At this point in life, I like the idea of friends living next door more than anything.
The one I’ve imagined and talked about with close friends is called The Castle. A group of neurodivergent, chronically ill, disabled creative folks…there’s a garden, a pond, a central kitchen area for gathering if we want. A system of colourful threads on the door (green for “come in I want a chat”, yellow for “knock first” and red for “not today”)…
It’s a group of sparkly thoughtful people with real feelings, and hired medical staff so we don’t have to worry.
We’ve all been talking about this for what seems like forever. So that we don’t…live siloed sequestered lives.
But yeah. Not a cult. Or too many rules. Just friendship and shared space.
I saw a set of cabins for sale next to the ocean with a central house…and when I did the math…we could have all afforded it.
But we didn’t do it.
Because sometimes the dream and the possibility and the being able to talk about it is what we want, the idea that we could do it.
And maybe we will. I hope we do. But dreaming together gives us hope. And that’s what we need right now.
Oh Wake - I LOVE the sound of The Castle. What a beautiful place it is! Especially the different threads on the door... could we just have these pinned to us as we walk around in life??
Love your point about the conversation sometimes being the thing we need - like a virtual visit to The Castle. That said, if you ever buy those cabins let me know as I'm totally coming to visit!
Awww! You are absolutely and utterly welcome to visit should it ever happen! And if you ever want a virtual visit to the Castle, let me know. I love chatting with fascinating folks about community care!
"It takes a village..." Yeah, we are hardwired to live in collective communities and have done so for millennia. There is the concept of "cohousing" that re-creates the tribal village concept of community and shared purpose.
"The concept of cohousing originated in Denmark in the 1960s and has since spread worldwide. It was developed as a response to the growing desire for a more community-oriented way of living, offering a middle ground between fully private homes and communal living. In a cohousing community, residents usually have their own fully equipped homes but share amenities and responsibilities, which helps foster a sense of belonging and cooperation."
This is fascinating - thanks John, I’m going to read up on this. Why is the Nordic regions seem to get everything so much quicker than the rest of us?!
I wonder if you asked the next question, "Why do you want to live in a commune?" you might get more depth in the discussion. We are at a pivotal moment in our world, country, and lives. As midlife and beyond women, we have a very important role to move into the world and give back rather than hide or step away from the challenges. I wonder if you might talk about co-housing as a way to minimize our carbon footprint and create community at the same time! We have to create the world we want and moving to solve issues while getting more connected and working together for change will create community.
Aha - a good challenge, thank you so much. It’s a great point - both from a carbon footprint and financial perspective. And you’re right - we should be the change we want to see. I shall think on this - thank you 🙏
Ever since my late 30s/early 40s I've thought and dreamed about how I'd like to spend my later life with like-minded women and long-term friends. I still think about various housing arrangements even as the women I originally hoped might be in that group have fallen ill or have other commitments. The one thing we all assumed: this could /would happen only upon becoming widows. Thirty years later, am not yet a widow and while I am happy about that, I also wonder how easy it will be to make these plans when I am alone or what form they might take. Bottom line: the whole scenario may have to be altered completely if I am to do it at all. Perhaps a multi-generational commune or shared housing arrangement. I still think about it. It feels essential in some fundamental way.
Thanks Elizabeth - I think I unconsciously think the same thing about potentially living longer. But you’re so right - it requires more than just one generation. Which chimes into another pet peeve of mine - the way we seem to write off old people in our culture. I love the idea of a multi-generational commune. One of the things I love about retreats is finding like-minded people of different ages and genders and backgrounds. I shall add this into my (not quite on paper yet) commune plan!
Yes, so much this! I'm 63 and have been talking about this with friends since my late 20s. Though it's progressed from commune to co-housing to friends compound, maybe with a few houses next to each other or at least on the same block. Here's a Substack that speaks to this need: https://supernuclear.substack.com/
It's not silly at all and speaks to our serious lack of community (especially here in the U.S., where I live!) and our deep need for it as social creatures.
Ahhh so glad it’s not just me! It’s funny, the co-housing thing for some reason triggers me thinking about awful house mates at university and the endless arguments over bills. Whereas commune doesn’t scare me at all! Isn’t that strange?
Thank you so much for sharing this link! 🙏
We actually visited the "friends compound" of one of the Supernuclear authors, near us in North Oakland (California), and oddly he said they only have meetings every couple months and everything runs pretty smoothly. It's basically co-housing, with people living in different buildings — some sharing buildings, some not — and a communal building with a big kitchen. I was surprised they don't seem to experience much conflict. At this point in life, I like the idea of friends living next door more than anything.
My friends and I regularly talk about our "golden girls" fantasy! 😉
Golden Girls is THE DREAM!! I’m so with you!
The one I’ve imagined and talked about with close friends is called The Castle. A group of neurodivergent, chronically ill, disabled creative folks…there’s a garden, a pond, a central kitchen area for gathering if we want. A system of colourful threads on the door (green for “come in I want a chat”, yellow for “knock first” and red for “not today”)…
It’s a group of sparkly thoughtful people with real feelings, and hired medical staff so we don’t have to worry.
We’ve all been talking about this for what seems like forever. So that we don’t…live siloed sequestered lives.
But yeah. Not a cult. Or too many rules. Just friendship and shared space.
I saw a set of cabins for sale next to the ocean with a central house…and when I did the math…we could have all afforded it.
But we didn’t do it.
Because sometimes the dream and the possibility and the being able to talk about it is what we want, the idea that we could do it.
And maybe we will. I hope we do. But dreaming together gives us hope. And that’s what we need right now.
Oh Wake - I LOVE the sound of The Castle. What a beautiful place it is! Especially the different threads on the door... could we just have these pinned to us as we walk around in life??
Love your point about the conversation sometimes being the thing we need - like a virtual visit to The Castle. That said, if you ever buy those cabins let me know as I'm totally coming to visit!
Awww! You are absolutely and utterly welcome to visit should it ever happen! And if you ever want a virtual visit to the Castle, let me know. I love chatting with fascinating folks about community care!
"It takes a village..." Yeah, we are hardwired to live in collective communities and have done so for millennia. There is the concept of "cohousing" that re-creates the tribal village concept of community and shared purpose.
"The concept of cohousing originated in Denmark in the 1960s and has since spread worldwide. It was developed as a response to the growing desire for a more community-oriented way of living, offering a middle ground between fully private homes and communal living. In a cohousing community, residents usually have their own fully equipped homes but share amenities and responsibilities, which helps foster a sense of belonging and cooperation."
https://www.repeople.co/blog/what-is-a-cohousing-community/
This is fascinating - thanks John, I’m going to read up on this. Why is the Nordic regions seem to get everything so much quicker than the rest of us?!
Dear Annie:
I wonder if you asked the next question, "Why do you want to live in a commune?" you might get more depth in the discussion. We are at a pivotal moment in our world, country, and lives. As midlife and beyond women, we have a very important role to move into the world and give back rather than hide or step away from the challenges. I wonder if you might talk about co-housing as a way to minimize our carbon footprint and create community at the same time! We have to create the world we want and moving to solve issues while getting more connected and working together for change will create community.
Aha - a good challenge, thank you so much. It’s a great point - both from a carbon footprint and financial perspective. And you’re right - we should be the change we want to see. I shall think on this - thank you 🙏
Ever since my late 30s/early 40s I've thought and dreamed about how I'd like to spend my later life with like-minded women and long-term friends. I still think about various housing arrangements even as the women I originally hoped might be in that group have fallen ill or have other commitments. The one thing we all assumed: this could /would happen only upon becoming widows. Thirty years later, am not yet a widow and while I am happy about that, I also wonder how easy it will be to make these plans when I am alone or what form they might take. Bottom line: the whole scenario may have to be altered completely if I am to do it at all. Perhaps a multi-generational commune or shared housing arrangement. I still think about it. It feels essential in some fundamental way.
Thanks Elizabeth - I think I unconsciously think the same thing about potentially living longer. But you’re so right - it requires more than just one generation. Which chimes into another pet peeve of mine - the way we seem to write off old people in our culture. I love the idea of a multi-generational commune. One of the things I love about retreats is finding like-minded people of different ages and genders and backgrounds. I shall add this into my (not quite on paper yet) commune plan!